Note: NO PHOTOS in this blog post this time.
In this top 10 list movie review, these are the worst of the worst. That I have seen as a film critic. Box office failures, as like Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel, thumbs down indeed. 👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻 Worst films ever made. Some I’ve seen that were okay, but not a lot. For they didn’t follow as how the story goes. All are from 2001-2019. And like what my dad tells me, always keep an open mind. Therefore I did, and here they are. The worst of the worst….
10. Holmes & Watson (2018). Starting off on the list, is the train wreck of all train wrecks. By not following the whole adventures of that famous detective by Sir Conan A. Doyle, Will Ferrell was that guy as how John C. Reilly was Dr. Watson. By making references to the dark side, as well as some things we do today, like taking an IPhone shot, they were so obtuse and nitwitted, that this shall be the end of Will Ferrell’s career in film and tv shows. From dead bodies in cakes, and then alternating that Titanic disaster, really obtuse no thanks to those guys and director Etan Cohen.
9. The Boss (2016). Melissa McCarthy was a real aristocratic moron, as she took a downfall on her business empire, when she got arrested. After her release a few months or years later, she had nothing left so she moved in with someone she knows of earlier ago. And did too much girl power, that I don’t think the audience will appreciate. Especially when it’s too much on girls scouts since Amy Poehler who was the creator and the voice of the main character, Bessie Higgenbottom in the Nickelodeon cartoon TV show, “The Mighty B”. Too much girl power indeed.
8. The Hustle (2019). By ripping off ‘Dirty Rotten Scoundrels’ with Steve Martin & Michael Caine, these two females were taking this movie to a total mess. Anne Hathaway was a cheater cheater, pumpkin eater, as I loved her better in one of my favourites movies, besides “The Dark Knight Rises”. And I was impressed that Rebel Wilson did had some hilarious ways of disguising herself as trash bags. I just think that she may want to be the new master of disguise since Dana Carvey, but this is really the messiest film ever made in history.
7. The Last Airbender (2010). The live movie adaption, based on that animated TV show, this was mostly focused on Book 1: Water. As after Aang and his flying bison were released from the iceberg, he focused on controlling water mostly. Despite on Dav Patel was the scarface bad guy, they didn’t do Book 2: Earth, & Book 3: Fire in this, as how this was too dramatic, too much CGI, as Aang never got to become the form of a water monster. No thanks to M. Night Shyamalan. But it taught us an important lesson on water, and how we should not waste so much on it.
6. Jack and Jill (2011). Didn’t follow the tumbling tale of Jack & Jill getting injured while grabbing well water, at the summit of the hill. But there was not just one Adam Sandler, but two Adam Sandlers! One of them was an hairy irresponsible twin sister, who acted like a child trapped in an adults body. Mostly focusing on twins, than mentioning the story we know for our kids, Adam Sandler as Jack had problems with his twin sister (as Adam Sandler again) while she was with his family for a long visit. For she was being such an idiotic moron throughout the whole film.
5. Noah (2014). With Russell Crowe, Anthony Hopkins, Emma Watson, Logan Lerman, & Douglas Booth, this biblical story adaption did not have rock monsters as fallen angels that caused the massive flood. There were none of that in the bible at all, as Logan Lerman was all stud when let the bad guy in the ark when he crept aboard. Especially when Noah tries to kill those twin babies that his daughter-in-law (portrayed by Emma Watson) gave birth on. And I’m glad that months later, Logan Lerman learned a valuable lesson in “Fury” with him, Brad Pitt, Scott Eastwood, and more about tank battles.
4. Catwoman (2004). By not following the real origin story of Selina Kyle who became Catwoman, based on the character by DC Comics, this was on a different path. Inspired by that character, but didn’t mention very much. An artist and graphic designer was on the run from an cosmetics queen until she was killed in the sewers. She was revived my an Egyptian Mau cat by a by its halitosis. And became known as Catwoman, with all those kitty skills. She acted like a cat, and her costume was indeed ridiculous, before she disappeared at the very end. Never to be seen ever again.
3. Life (2017). We are better off alone in the universe after all. Besides, this was indeed a rip-off of ‘Alien’. Cause in the near future, when astronauts took a soil sample from one of our planets in our solar system, in it contained a multi-celled organism. Almost like slime mould, but deadlier. It had killed many astronauts, before the international space station was destroyed. The ending was really f***ed up when they made a terrible mistake. I can’t tell you, but it taught Jake Gyllenhaal, Ryan Reynolds and Rebecca Ferguson a lesson.
2. Ghost Ship (2002). I thought there would be really much on ‘sea evil’, but this is the lamest to watch over Halloween. The issue about this movie was about for how people were greedy over cursed gold, as they did a massacre one time out of the ocean. Which was why after a tugboat came to its attention, as they had to figure out why they were doing this. And that ending was like that one of those Simpsons Halloween segments where someone tries to warn people, but was no use. People would be doomed by those ghosts & cursed gold.
1. Planet of the Apes (2001). Taking the number 1# spot on the list, is the very worst of the worst. No thanks to director Tim Burton, he took this whole story by his own imagination. Inspired by the book by Pierre Boulle, as well as the original movies. Especially for how he made Tim Roth look really worse as that angry ape, while Mark Whalberg messed up the space time continuum if he and a non-talking chimp didn’t flew through that electromagnetic storm in outer space. And that twisted ending was all f***ed up for sure. Besides, this would scare little kids if they did see this.
Do you agree with my picks? Cause they are indeed, the worst, of the worst. So if M. Night Shyamlan, or Tim Burton, or Kenneth Branagh was to do a sci-if movie that showed about astronauts from Earth’s future, or from another world like Earth, that travelled back in time to prehistoric Earth where the dinosaurs walked through the wastelands since “The Land Before Time”, that’s one thing that they can do. Just as long as you don’t do the butterfly effect.
However, to those that are new, that want to be as grand as Bong Joon Ho, Ron Howard, Steven Spielberg, Werner Herzog & etc, and wouldn’t give up on filmmaking; always make sure that you’re story has a happy ending. And no twists also, before you show it to the audience. Cause you do not want to end up like these flicks. All are quadruple ‘F minus’. Including the god awful 2001 adaption of a planet of talking monkeys….
All are quadruple F minus.
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