Harry Potter or Hairy Ball-sac?

Since the “Harry Potter” series that went on for 10 whole years was no good, and everyone hated it, a little joke I made popped into my head. And it wasn’t from that foster family I hated in that.

When Matt Groening did a wimpy character version of that in two of his episodes of “The Simpsons”, that was when it came up to me. It would think of what would it like, if he had a hairy ballsac. His pubes. And he’d be the largest cocksucker on Earth. The hair of that would be like 33cm. Not the size of a kangaroo born in the pouch of a mother kangaroo, 3cm. But almost the size of a pair of sisscors.

It can be a good joke, but not too much. The movie series did went awkward as people got nightmares watching that stuff. Didn’t liked the creatures, a Missy prissy was a total unitard. Some characters were unitards in this, just before Snape died of snake poison venom from a cobra.

But I can imagine something like this, if Potter was wimpy….


Mrs. Edna: “Okay class. Now that we have other characters from other cartoons, let me hear your names. Lisa?”

Lisa: “Here”

Mrs. Edna: “Bart?”

Bart: “Yo!”

Mrs. Edna: “Milhouse?”

Milhouse: “Here”

Mrs. Edna: “Nelson?”

Nelson: “Yeah”

Mrs. Edna: “Horace?”

Horace: “Prest here!”

Mrs. Edna: “Kid? Kid Paddle?”

Horace (as Kid Paddle): “Prest here!”

Mrs. Edna: “Big Bang?”

Horace (as Big Bang): “Prest here!”

(Kid Paddle and Big Bang laugh at their joke)


Mrs. Edna: “Okay… Julie?”

Julie: “Here”

Mrs. Edna: “Dan?”

Dan: “Here”

Mrs. Edna: “Wes?”

Wes: “Yeah?”


Mrs. Edna: “Bubbles?”

Bubbles: “Here”

Mrs. Edna: “Blossom?”

Blossom: “Present”


Mrs. Edna: “Buttercup?”

Buttercup: “Yep”

Mrs. Edna: “Lloyd and Floyd?”

Lloyd and Floyd: “Huh?”

Mrs. Edna: “Mitch?”

Mitch: “Hey Edna! I’m already here!”

(Buttercup smiles and giggles)


Mrs. Edna: “Well then… Harry Potter, are you chewing gum?”


(Glass shatters)

Harry Potter: “No madam. It’s brimstone” (breathes fire)


Kids: “You wish faggot face!”

(Push him hard)



(Kids start laughing hard at him as Mitch and Buttercup laugh at the most. Blossom and Bubbles are stunned in silence as they do not like it)

Mrs. Edna: “Alright knock it off! We are here to do learning. Not-”

(Cell Phone rings)


Mrs. Edna: “Excuse me” (picks up her phone) “Hello? Ah! Matt Damon!! Excuse me class” (leaves the classroom happily)

(Everyone looks at Harry, except Bubbles and Blossom)


Harry Potter: “What are you looking at me for?”


Mitch: (picks up a Popsicle glued stick figure) “Hey! My names Harry Potter! And I have a hairy ball-sac to suck on it all the time and everyone’s else’s, cause I’m stupid!!”

(Hits him hard on the head with it)


(Everyone laughs again, except for the two)

Harry Potter: “Well it’s puberty, I guess”


(A 3D glasses teenager pulls his pants and underwear down)

Harry Potter: “Oh!”

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(Everyone in this room starts laughing out loud at him as they point at him and his pubes)

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Cartoon teenager 1: “Look how hairy his balls are!”

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Cartoon teenager 2: “They are like 33cm long!”

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Cartoon teenager 3: “I bet he’s like Bigfoot!”

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Cartoon teenager 4: “Do you think he’s got a hairy situation?”

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Jocky teenager: “What a retard!! He wants to be cheeky, but he’s lame!! From now on, he’s called Hairy Ball-sac!! The largest cocksucker on Earth!!! Who can suck his testicles and suck yours!!!”

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Lloyd and Floyd: (pointing at him) “You suck hairy balls!! What a freak!!” (They trade high-fives)

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(Blossom and Bubbles take no part, but Buttercup laughs as she enjoys the whole thing)

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Dan: “You’re gross!”

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Julie: “Yeah! You’re total moron!”

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Wes: “Ha ha! What a sick habit man!”

Lloyd: “Shitty eater!”

Floyd: “Puss bucket!”

Mitch: “Total jackass!”

Harry Potter: “Okay…I think I may have to-”

(Gets tripped by a student and falls flat face on the floor, smashing his glasses and hitting his eyes)

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Everyone, except two: “Look at you now, freak!!”

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Harry Potter: “Do I look like a freak now?”

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(Shows his bloody eyes as Blossom and Bubbles gasp, when Mrs. Edna comes in. As she comes in, Harry collapses again, bleeding in pain, sobbing)

Student: “Uh oh”

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Mrs. Edna: “You call yourself students?! Giving him bloodshots?! Now apologize to whoever did this!!”

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Jocky teenager, smiling and lying: “We were only doing work, when he just tripped”


Buttercup: “Yeah. We were doing work when he just-!”


Mrs. Edna: “Apologize to him class! That means you too young lady!”

Buttercup: “I was minding when-”

Mrs. Edna: “Now!”

Buttercup: “Harry…we are…oh…we didn’t mean to… aw, you should’ve told Matt Groening you’re nothing but shit!!”


(Bruce Greenwood whistles for interruption)

Bruce Greenwood: “Outside, all of you! Now!!”

Mitch: “Thank God for this!”

(Everyone leaves for outside)


Bruce Greenwood: “You’re alright son?”

Harry Potter (wheezing): “No” (collapses on the floor again)

(A little while later, at a hospital….)


Bruce Greenwood: “You were lucky you didn’t go blind. With those blood shots after that accident”

Harry Potter (with his eyes bandaged): “Right. Will I see again?”

Doctor: “Oh you will. You’re just better now. Might wanna take it easy on yourself. While you were resting your eyes, your pubes were long so I waxed them off. That way those kids won’t call you a hairy ball sac or something”

Harry Potter (with his bandaged eyes): “Thanks”

It would be terrible if he tripped, like Eddie Redmayne as Stephen Hawking in “The Theory of Everything”. But more like if he fell flat face on the floor, smashing his glasses and hurting his eyes. Almost like Ray Charles, but more if his eyes were bloody. And since Harry Potter was played by Daniel Radcliffe, it was absurd when he was in the movie ‘Horns’ when he grew horns. Almost like goat man in Greek mythology, it would be different if he drank bull DNA by accident at the hospital. That when he returns to school, he’d be a big black bull. And bulls got balls the way you look at them.

(Harry sits under a tree, reading)

Harry Potter: “Yep. Good to be back. But I just don’t feel so good…”

Mitch: “Get up you”

Harry Potter: “Huh? I was just-”

Mitch: “Shut up and sic balls!!”

(Floyd and Lloyd laughing, along with Buttercup laughing while watching this)

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Buttercup: “When will he ever learn?”

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Lisa: “Don’t make me tell Mrs. K. about this!”

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Buttercup: “What? I didn’t do nothing! Why am I the one to blame?”

(Back at the four boys, Harry starts to change)

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Harry Potter: “I don’t feel good…”

Mitch: “Yeah. You look like you’re gonna throw up. Maybe you should-” (pushes him) “-suck more of your testicles!”

(The boys laugh as he left some vomit on Mitch’s arms)

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Mitch: “Huh?! What the hell is this?!!”

(Harry moaning as he grows horns)

Mitch: “What is this?! Your snot?! You’re gross and you know-”

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Lloyd and Floyd: “Uh dude? Dude?”

(Harry transforming)

Boy 1: “Uh hey bro?”

Boy 2: “Okay! What is it?”

Boy 1: “B-Black bull!”

Boy 2: “First hiccups, now Black Betty”

Boy 1: “No!! Not Black Betty!! Black bull!!”

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(Harry roars as he becomes a black bull)

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(He snorts as he looks at everyone)

Mitch, Lloyd and Floyd: “Oh crap”

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(Snorts again, as he begins to charge)

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(Crashing noises go everywhere as Harry pushes them hard as they go flying. Matt Groening dies when he gets rampaged)

  
Buttercup: “Hey! (takes off)


Harry as a bull: “Hmm?”


Buttercup: “Pick on someone your own size freak!!”

(Harry as a black bull pushes her hard as she crashed into some cement)


Buttercup: “Hey!! You gotta help me stop his madness!!”


Blossom: “No way!! You and those bullies deserve for what you were picking on Harry!!”

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(Mrs. Edna cries as Harry prepares to charge)

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Buttercup: “Well, is she a bully?!”

Blossom, Bubbles: “Mrs. Edna!!”

(Harry as a bull charges pass her, right at the school)

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Kids: “Whoa…(building explodes) No school!!”

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Blossom, Bubbles: “He’s gone crazy!” (They take off)

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Buttercup: “About time!”

  
  
  

(The two girls fly at them, as Harry hits a cement truck right at Mrs. K, Bubbles and Blossom. The two girls slam their brakes and back pedals as hard as they can, but the cement slams right at them. All three girls and a teacher get stuck. Harry as a black bull laughs as he runs away, snorting)

Blossom: “None of this woulda happened if you’d apologized in the first place!”

THE END…?

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